an Alanis kind of day

I don't want to pause and ponder today...

Any spare second I give my brain

it cycles back down quickly to the depths of despair.

I hate myself so much today.

I keep catching sight of my face in my computer screen

and I want to slash it open, smash it, grind it into the ground.

Appropriate punishment of the self.

It helps to talk to you about this, 

helps to tell you. 

And I certainly can't focus on my work right now, 

but I want to focus on something!

Paul would tell me to focus

on whatever is pure and noble and true

something lovely. 

That's the problem, 

I'm stuck with my self, my face, my mind to brood over

again and again. 

I need a circuit breaker.

Something lovely, something lovely, something lovely...

I know this is somewhat stupid, 

this casting around for something good to focus on

when you've promised so much good, 

delivered it, surrounded me with it. 

But I'm to upset to see it right now...


Help!