silent

I can't talk to you.

Not that there's nothing to say,
I simply can't form the words in my gullet,
they stick and swallow,
strangled before daylight's meet.

So how long can we stay like this?

Silent.

Until the words eat through my chest?
Burning through my flesh?

Will you "put up" with my silence?
Or will you walk away?

Loose my tongue
or lose me.

Deborah

I want to talk about Deborah Lord, 
and the difficult path you took her on, 
defying expectation,
social convention, 
rank. 


Defying 'good Biblical scholarship',
systematic theology,
the pattern of all good things. 


Apparently...


How inappropriate was she?
Why did you put her there?
Was she as tortured 
as blessed Theresa
by mentors crying
"heresy bell!"
"The devil has sent you thus."


Was she annoyed 
by people constantly saying
she was only called upon
because none of the men stood up...?


Only, as though her gifts
and godliness
and courage
played no important part?!


Only, because of the failures of others
instead of maybe because you wished it so?
Designed her for it?
Equipped and blessed her?


Or was she fine with it all?
Content in you?
To serve and suffer and 
prophesy and judge and
die.
Disposed of in whatever way you saw fit?


You know I'm a complete mess of contradiction, 
that I'm frustrated by not having things 
which I probably wouldn't want, 
with all the 21st century jealousy 
of a hapless consumer of
steak knives, aah bras and amazing gym equipment
that I will never use...


Calm the storm as you always do, 
tell the wind and the waves to SHUT UP!!!!