Sunday, September 4, 2011

prayer for Dad

Hey Daddy,

remember that time we went fishing,
you, me and Dad,
up at Yamba,
and I got really excited cos I caught three fish on one line?
You've said you'll never forget it
and I'm like, "duh Dad, you're omniscient.

And do you remember that other time
when I was bullied at school
and I really just wanted you to come pick me up
so I didn't have to stay there any longer
but you have no physical arms,
so it was kind of a long wait...

I hid in a thicket for a while...

From memory...

And remember that other other time
when I was sinking into how totally crap it is
that so many people seem to die alone in jail.
I think we'd had one too many Voice Of The Martyrs presentations at youth-group or something.
Not that you ever can have too many of those,
but turns out staring at one aspect of a problem for too long distorts the whole picture...
I wanted you to fix that too.
And I remember you saying,
"I'll get right onto it!"
And I was confused,
because I thought you sounded a bit too much like a sitcom Dad all of a sudden.

But I remember heaps of other times as well
where everything felt pretty good.
We were singing in church together,
or pondering the state of the universe on long car trips.
You've never been too distracted to listen to my long and glorious internal rants
about obscure theological subjects,
where I twist and turn so many times,
change opinions,
go back over old ground.

We can sit and chat for hours,
and I've always really appreciated that.

Just like my human father,
you're also really good at returning to a subject
after a five year break in the conversation,
without blinking an eye,
as though we talked about it yesterday.
I love that about you both.
It shows you understand my mind,
and that you value our relationship.
I've really really needed that at times.

I can talk to you when there's no one else there to listen,
no one else who can be bothered.
That's pretty awesome.

I hope I don't only turn to you in desperation.
I don't think so, but I don't want to do that.

I mean, it's hard sometimes to bridge the gap,
and just spend quality time with each other
when there's no particular reason to hang out together.
Sometimes it's just hard to communicate...

But just like with human Dad,
I really want to talk!
I don't want you to just be a bill-payer,
a problem-solver,
a house-mover,
a person I only call when I want something done,
or someone to tell me I'm pretty.

Not that human Dad is super on the ball with that last one either!
But I think I've come to accept it's cos he doesn't really care about it,
and loves me anyway.


Kind of everything you look for in a good father.

Thanks Dad.


(Just fyi, this is totally an unashamed tribute to Fathers on Father's Day, especially mine. Love you Dad.)

1 comment:

  1. How did I not know about this blog?

    You are a hidden gem, Jo. This was beautiful. I love you.

    - Hannah