being kathy bates

So apparently I think I'm Kathy Bates in Misery...

That anyone trapped in conversation with me is just wondering,
"when is she gonna break my legs so she can keep me here?"
"how can I escape?!!"
Hoping that I'm not going to further display my mental disturbance
by drugging them,
tricking them into something resembling friendship.

Cheerful isn't it,
the assumption I'm blackmailing, manipulating everyone.
That they're being polite at first, because they have to,
but soon would rather be anywhere but in the room with me.

I think like that about you sometimes too.
That you're just loving me out of obligation,
and soon you're gonna leave me too.

In this room,
alone,
forever,
where I rightfully belong,
with only the emptiness and waste to talk to,
a fitting punishment for whatever it is my mind thinks I've done.

Why do I think I'm Kathy?

Why?!

the parable of the lost sheep

I'm not lost.
I just stopped.

Srsly, there's no point coming back for me,
you'll just put the other sheep in danger.

Seriously! GO AWAY!!

I'm not worth it.

I'll just stay here, and eat this grass,
til it's gone.

And then I guess I'll lie down.

And then I'll die.

No probs.



You're making me feel guilty staring at me like that.

Seriously! GO AWAY!!

It's pointless trying to pick me up.
I don't even know what you're doing here.
What?!
Do you want some sort of stand-off?
See who'll flinch first?

Well you know, and I know, that this is stupid.
I'm just one sheep.

BUGGER OFF!!!

the fire

Acrid scent,
not the promise of well cooked food,
but of animals screaming,
running,
Firies fighting, straining,
helicopters hovering, covering
hot fields with precious water.

It wafts on the breeze,
this reminder of death and destruction,
simply an annoying tickle to the nose,
when spending your day on other things,
like a fly that won't stay swatted,
or a neighbour that can't be avoided.

The smell is not the worst of it.

Perhaps that's why,
even though it lingers,
permeates hair, clothes and rooms,
acts in every way possible to scream it's deadly news,

we can still ignore,
despise,
revile it.

Hah!

I'm only covered in smoke,
the fire holds no real fear for me!