home

I wanna go home!
I want to sit on my parent's couch
with a cup of tea
and have a long conversation with my sister.

I want to make dinner with Mum,
say grace with Dad,
and float around in our ool with no p in it,
possibly attempting to joke drown my brother.

I want to feel the sense of comfortable assurance
home brings.
There's somewhere I belong,
even when other places, other spaces fail me.

But you've asked me to be, commanded me to be,
made me,
an alien, a stranger,
a wanderer here.

You've called me to have a relentless desire
for the quiet rest of my true home.

But it's hard to live in unfulfilled desire.
Not just because it feels so unreal most of the time,
but because of my crippling doubt
that even there, there's really no place for me.

It'll be heaven with no Jo in it.
Home, but not mine.

I fear I'll never find rest
from my anxious, desert wanderings...